I've seen him a thousand times.

Been with him almost all my life.

Witnessed him transform from a young boy to a man.

Saw him do the stupid deeds,

heard him say the weirdest things.

He's always been a sweetheart, not just to me but to the rest of his girl friends.

Always been caring and loving.

Pretty face with a charming smile,

"what more could a girk ask for?"

*TEASING* :D

I never pictured us being lovers,

though we've been teased since I can't remember,

just never had the guts to take it by heart.

For to me it was pure friendship built for years,

nothing more, notheing less.

.....

One day he introduced a girl.

She must be special to him.

*jelousy pinched?*

We managed to be nice to her,

but it was never appreciated.

She wanted him all by herself.

Our hands are tied when it comes to her.

She's his girlfriend, we respect that.

*BUMMER*

A year or two, things became a bit crazy.

The tension between us and his girl became hazy.

Still we can't do a thing,

and he too was already complaining.

He's too nice and stupid that he let her manipulate him like that.

I can't stand it.

I just can't allow some random person take advantage of a friend's...weakness,

not to my friends,

especially not to him.

In a nicer and calmed way, I exerted an effort to talk to her.

Tried to explain the issues she had with us which she (not surprisingly) denied.

Now were the bad guys, and she's the helpless victim.

*YEA RIGHT. BOO!*

Confronting the the problem with her was an epic fail,

and so it was up to him.

We back-off.

Days, Weeks, Month after we saw him again,

"It's over," was all he said for I to understand what he was referring to.

I stared at him for a moment to know whether he's joking or not...

"I'm impress."

He seemed okay so no further questions asked.

* HUGE :) *

Months after, and the teasing was brought up again.

By then I found myself somewhat loving being paired with him.

I'd just smile as supposse to ignoring the matter,

'cause that's what I'm used to do.

Ride on with their jokes and teased him myself.

Communicating every now and then,

but nothing special there really.

We would hang-out with our friends, and go home till the next bond again.

Often times i miss his presence, mostly not.

But for some reason, he kept on popping in my mind.

And the jokes was somehow taken into considerations.

*WHAT IF...?*

But then again, big NO.

Impossible.

Can't be.

He's my friend and thats about it.

Besides, we're not the same person back in grade school.

We're two different species.

Though he turns out to be one good-looking young man,

while I....well... (0.o)

The point is, we grew up and matured into our own separate ways,

and unfortunately out grown the past and so his puppy crush on me.

Our Friendship is more valuable than what everyone expects of us.

It's not worth any risk.

We're already happy being just HIM and I.

*BLAH

*BLAH

*BLAH

*AUGUST

*SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER.

Looking back, a slapped on my face.

I was wrong.

I was too impulsive jumping into conclusions,

and predicted the consequences easily.

By far,I never thought it could be this good,

greatest to say the least.

Surprised by so much joy,

and contentment,

appreciation,

feel special,

and love.

For doubt and fear had reign inside me for so long.

'Cause I was scared for what I have been protecting might be destroy.

Only now I realize, through out those years that we avoided the obvious,

our friendship will be the key and a stronger foundation to what the future holds for us two.

And as to what most people would say, "best things happen for those who wait/ right moment."

I believe them.

Eventhough there are still a lot to learn,

more stuffs to discover with each other,

we're both ready to welcome changes.

Maybe we're not yet that far from starting line,and looking ahead is still a long journey,

but WE are guided.

And I trust him.

And I have faith in US,

enough reason to believe, that we will make it to the finish line TOGETHER.

I'm lucky I have a FRIEND and a LOVER wrapped into ONE.

Masyado ng komplikado ang buhay, madame ng wang-wang ika nga ni P-noy, kaya wag ka na maging choosy kung ano o sino man ang dumating sayo na nag-aaksaya ng oras niya/nila para lang mapa-ngiti ka kahit sa maikling pag-kakataon, seryoso man sila o hindi. Allow positivity ousted negativity, gaano man ito kababaw. Wag ka lang pabola ng todo. Dapat WAIS ka, wag ka TANGA. Dahil kahit ang mga tao na akala mo mga kaibigan mo, sa bandang huli ilalaglag ka din pala, sino ngayon ang talunan? Eh di IKAW! Ikaw na nga ang pinag-kaisahan, masama ka pa din sa paningin nila. Kaya wag ka na pa-INOSENTE.

Weh noh kung isipin nila na BITTER ako dahil sa mga pinag-sasabi co ngayon? OO naging bitter ako at aminado ako don! IKAW, kaya mo ba aminin sa sarili mo yan? At bakit? Do they have any idea what I had gone through? Alam ba nila na ang mga inakala ko noon na kaibigan ko ay nagawa ako ikanulo? Na mas naniwala sila sa kwento ng iba kesa sa sasabihin ko? Alam din ba nila na i was once a battered girlfriend? na kamuntik na ko mapatay ng gagong yon? Pero pag-katapos ng kabanatang iyon, nag-mahal ulit ako. Sabi nga nila try and try untill you die. 1..2..3..4 at ewan ko na napag-kakataon pa. Alam ba nila ang kwento na napapaloob sa mga iyon? COMMON FACTOR= na ang mga KUPAL na yo'n, GINAGO ako. "Mahal kita" sa simula, pero "Goodbye" na agad pag hindi nakuha ang gusto. Aba, kadalasan nga eh wala nng pasabi, bigla na lang hindi mag-paparamdam. At ang siste, AKO pa dae ang may kasalanan, THE NERVE di ba?!

Ngayon, mag-tatawa pa din ba kayo just because i sounded a total crap? KUPAL KA! MANHID! At wag na wag mo sasabihin o kahit isipin manlang na "tanga ka kasi", bakit? ikaw ba kahit isang beses sa buhay mo hindi ka naging TANGA?! Lahat naman yata tayo dumaan at pag-dadaanan yan, hindi para ibaba ang tiwala sa sarili mo kundi para ihanda ka sa kinabukasan, kinabukasan na meron MAS umaatikabong hamon, hirap at sakit na idudulot sayo. Para sa gayon, maging MATATAG ka, para hindi ka na MAGAMIT/MAIPIT ng SITWASYON. Yan ang isang REALIDAD ng buhay. The best you can do? SMILE. Welcome the GOOD, execute the BAD. Katotohanan o kathang-isip, seryoso man o tamang biro lang, WHO CARES?! Ang importante napa-ngiti ka. Kahit ramdam na ramdam mo na nuknukan ng kasinungalingan lang ang mga pinag-sasabi nila, RIDE ON. Yan lang naman ang kaligayahn ng mga yan e, KAYABANGAN, kaya wag mo na ipag-damot sa kanila. Oh ngayon? Sino na ang naisahan? EH DI SILA NAMAN! :D

(-ano nga ba ang punto ko sa sulating ito? Ewan ko. Parang halo-halo na nga naman kasi ang kinalabasan. May sense ba? Depende na yon sa pang-unawa at lawak ng isip mo.-)

McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend?

Summer: no.

McKenzie: why not?

Summer: coz i don't want one.

McKenzie: come on, i don't believe that.

Summer: you on't believe that a woman could enjoy being free an indepenent?

McKenzie: are you a lesbian?

Summer: [laughing] no im not a lesbian. I just don't feel comfortable being anyone's girlfriend. I don't actually feel comfortable being anyone's anything.

McKenzie: I don't know what you're talking about.

Summer: Really?

McKenzie: Nope.

Summer: Okay, let me beak it down for you-

McKenzie: Break it down!

Summer: Ok, I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people's feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We're yong, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can, save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You're a dude. [to tom] she's a dude.!

Tom: Ok but wait-wait. What happens if you fall inlove?

Summer: [scoffs]

Tom: what?

Summer: You don't believe that, do you?

Tom: It's love, not Santa Clause.

FEBRUARY 24, 2011

Her leaving set an eye-opener for me, a wake-up call. I have to admit, there was a part of me that doesn't want her to go. Jealous much? Not at all. Scared? Yes, I was scared for her. Mikha has always been my bestfriend, she's my counter-part ego. Plus she and I have a total opposite character- she's loud, while im more reserved, funny siya, boring ako, she's somewhat aggressive and full of personality, ako? ZERO! Kaya nga hindi din namin maintindihan how we remain friends for so many years now. But if there's one thing we have in common, we both want changes in our lives, for the better. I have yet to figure out mine, but her's already starting...

The first time she told me about her possible " escapade" , I wasn't that bothered. Hindi ko din masyado sineryoso, why? Maybe because I personally, and the rest of our barkada who knew her too well, alam namin na hindi niya kakayanin mag-isa, lalo na sa ibang lugar pa siya pupunta. She often can't finish a chore without a help from her parents (THEN). " Tol, November na alis ko, " it was October then, a bit tensed but I stay calmed. We talked about it for awhile, tapos balik na ulit sa asaran at laitan. She also decided to tell the barkada about it and right then and there, a despedida was already planned..lol! November, I was excited yet a little sad, lalo na when she got busy preparing her papers, passport, etc. " "2nd week na ng December alis ko, Christmas Party agad na tayo tol," and so I went and told the others about her request which unfortunately, hindi din napag-bigyan dahil karamihan naman sa 'min ang hindi pwede. And to cut the story short, the party was held last December 30, 2010 and Mikha was still able to celebrate with us. Masaya lahat. Although this year, it was different, in a good way naman. MAS masaya dahil there are addition to the family, may kanya-kanya ng partners ang karamihan, plus some's "mini-me's". :D At sino pa ba ang bida ng gabing yon? The ever entertaining Mikhaella. It seemed to be a very simple get together, pero parang mas magulo pa yata kami sa mga nagpa-party sa mga bars. I can't even remember how we afford the Videoke machine. It was hell of a night, sobrang SAYA! Which reminds me, kanino kaya napunta yon piece of carton-box na sinulatan ng mga dedications? (MIKHAELLA?!)

JANUARY, Mikha became discreet about her Korea thing. Everytime we would asked her, "basta malapit na,", then she'd laugh. Ntatawa na lang din ako 'cause I kinda had the idea why (hind nga naman kasi natutuloy kapag sinasabi niya). Kaya hindi na din namin siya kinulit.

FEBRUARY 16, she texted me and said she wants to come over. When she got here, we decided to go to Ericka's place at do'n kami tatlo nag-bonding. Siyempre hindi nawala si "The Bar", kasama din si Martys at kung ano-ano pa na chicha. Can you imagine, tabi ng kalsada, almost late at night and yet, we didn't care kung sobrang lakas ng tawanan. "" ano nga ulit yung Carjack Arrest, Mikha? " haha! I swear everyone went home with a smile on our faces. Little did I know, that was our own little despedida na pala for her.

FEBRUARY 22, at exactly 1:15 am, Mikha along with Tito sonny flew to Korea. It was sudden. We never (actually most of us) had the chance to bond with her before she left. I suddenly remember the conversation we had that same night at Ericka's. Nag-joke ako na after pa ng birthday ko siya makaka-alis, " tangna. wag naman tol, gustong-gusto ko na umalis eh", was all she said for me to realized how badly she wanted this. Her dream of giving her family and Wanya a good life was all she care about. I can tell she was scared, just the thought of being away from her daughter makes her wanna cry. Pero hindi niya pinansin yo'n, this time around she choose not to be selfish.

I'm proud of her. She's not the same " all-I-care-about-is-I " anymore.Mas iniisip niya na kung ano ang mas makaka-buti para sa nakakarami. She's embracing her life now more than ever. It was a risk- but she took a massive leap (with poise) and face reality as it is. She's still the same crazy, fun to be around friend though, but Mikha now know how to take her priorities and responsibilities. and she's doing a great job.

I miss her every now and then, especially kapag lumabas ang barkda. Two years? Madali na yon. And when she's back, itutuloy na namin ang plano na maag-damagang alak, walang uuwi hanggang hindi gumagapang. At sisiguraduhin namin na si Mikha na ang sasagot sa lahat, SA WAKAS!! haha!! :P

Way Back THEN

Still remember how we met?
It was all an honest mistake.
You thought I was that friend of yours,
so you came up to me and made that silly "thing",
I turned around and were both surprised,
i wasn't that friend you thought I was after all.
Blushed and still in puzzled.
Everyone was laughing while you kept saying "sorry".

Yes, it was just a mistake,
a wrong move that started it all.
An event that gave both of us the the weirdest impression,
to you I was a snob, as to me you were a plain dumb.

Day by day we got along.
Friends? in a way, 'cause we often argue about simple things.
You even enjoy moments you're making "kulit", that sometimes made me "inis".
But you always have that smile that gives a comforting feeling to mine.

These memory never failed to make me smile.
Funny isn't it? For how we came up to be.
You and I through a mistake collide.
I just hope we don't end up on another one.

..................................................

I Miss YOU

I miss your handwriting, how it made me giggle.
How you asked me to wear your necklace everytime you're up for a ball game.
I miss the way you call me baby,
and that smile you have when our hands intertwined.

I Miss US

I miss Fridays of fries and sisig at Wadiz, and movies after exams on the 3rd day.
I miss our petty fights, times when you make me feel i don't exist.
I miss, "ingat pag-pasok baby ko," every morning, "i love you" before we call it a day.
And i miss the laughter, so careless and free..

(*Im sorry if i caused you pain. I apologized for everything. I'm sorry for in the end, it was I who made a mistake, that shattered our story..* )

03/2/2011 (3:17 pm)

Forget the smile he brought to your face.
Forget the thought when someone mention his name.
Forget the way he talk,
or even the way he stand and walk.

Forget the time when you first met,
time when again you used the "smile-laughter set".
Forget the compliments he gave you,
'cause he probably told those to others before you.

Forget the night he first touched your heart.
Talking to him on the phone while you were so drunk,
then you fell asleep and on to dreamy land you sank.
Forget that he never turn-off the receiver,
that he carefully listened to every breath and every sound you made,
he laughed when he heard you snore,
and that went on till the call time ended.

Forget that he cares.
Forget how he gets mad whenever he feel you're being insensitive.
Forget that you trembled when he was almost shouting in rage,
even if he took back every offending words he said.

Forget he called just to read you a chapter in a bible -as if some guy did that before.
Forget how sorry and sad you were for him, when he burst into tears because he lost a good friend.
Forget that you got so worried when he got sick,
and you felt bad that you couldn't be there for him.

Forget his promises.
Forget that he never get tired asking you out and you always say "NO,"
and how guilty you were when you turn him down.
Forget you care.

You haven't heard a thing from him for days:
FORGET you worried.
FORGET you missed him.
FORGET you were hurt.
FORGET you cried.
FORGET you thought it was over..